Frequently Asked Questions
about teenage sexuality
Q: I don’t want my teen to risk ruining his life by having sex, but if he is going to do it anyway, shouldn’t I buy the condoms myself?
A: In an effort to help your teen, you would be sending a mixed message, “Don’t have sex, but if you do, use a condom.” Instead of reinforcing the how’s and why’s of waiting, you are expecting him to be sexually active. Incredibly, this same thinking dominates most sex education classes. Many teachers are promoting condoms instead of stressing the safest option of all—abstinence before marriage. But the good news is you don’t have to let faulty thinking destroy your child’s future. You as their parent can have the most dramatic impact on their decisions, so build loving boundaries for your children and believe in their ability to stick with them.
A: In an effort to help your teen, you would be sending a mixed message, “Don’t have sex, but if you do, use a condom.” Instead of reinforcing the how’s and why’s of waiting, you are expecting him to be sexually active. Incredibly, this same thinking dominates most sex education classes. Many teachers are promoting condoms instead of stressing the safest option of all—abstinence before marriage. But the good news is you don’t have to let faulty thinking destroy your child’s future. You as their parent can have the most dramatic impact on their decisions, so build loving boundaries for your children and believe in their ability to stick with them.
Q: What are STDs?
A: Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's) are infections which can be passed from person to person through sexual contact. They are caused by bacteria, viruses and other microscopic organisms which are present in the blood, semen, body fluids or the pubic area of an infected person. Most STD's once diagnosed, can be cured with treatment. Viral STD's, like genital herpes and AIDS, are more difficult to treat and are often incurable. Although they are not transmitted by telephones or toilet seats they are spreading at epidemic rates. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) and Prevention recently estimated that 18.9 million new STD infections occur every year in the U.S. But whether it’s herpes, HPV, gonorrhea or some other STD, the best protection is abstinence.
A: Society loves acronyms. Instead of a very important person, we say V.I.P. Instead of sexually transmitted diseases, we say STD’s. Ever heard of VD? It stands for venereal disease, and it’s a dated term that once described what we now refer to as STD’s. How about HPV? It’s short for human papilloma virus, the most common viral STD and also the one that causes cervical cancer. What about PID? That stands for pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause permanent scarring, infertility and tubal pregnancies. And HIV? That’s the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, the virus responsible for AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.) Or what about GC? That stands for gonorrhea. These STDs are spreading at epidemic proportions. So when should you talk to your kids about protecting themselves by saving sex for marriage? The short answer is ASAP.
A: HPV (human papilloma virus) is the most common viral STD while chlaymdia is the most common bacterial STD. (See below for more information on each.) HPV is perhaps the leading STD (the numbers change every day!) and is the cause of over 99 percent of all cervical cancer cases. The best protection is abstinence before marriage and lifelong fidelity afterwards.
A: Chlamydia is a common sexually transmitted disease (STD) caused by the bacterium, Chlamydia trachomatis, which can damage a woman's reproductive organs. Even though symptoms of chlamydia are usually mild or absent, serious complications that cause irreversible damage, including infertility, can occur "silently" before a woman ever recognizes a problem. Chlamydia also can cause discharge from the penis of an infected man. Chlamydia can damage a woman’s uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries, often resulting in pelvic pain, ectopic pregnancy or infertility. In 2005, 976,445 chlamydia infections were reported to CDC (Centers for Disease Control) from 50 states and the District of Columbia. This is an increase of 5.1% compared with the rate in 2004. Among women, the highest rates of reported chlamydia in 2005 were among 15 – 19 year-olds. In short, Chlamydia might be silent now, but painful in the future when a woman has a difficult time getting pregnant. The best protection against Chlamydia is abstinence before marriage and lifelong fidelity afterwards.
A: Gonorrhea is caused by Neisseria gonorrhoeae, a bacterium that can grow and multiply easily in the warm, moist areas of the reproductive tract, including the cervix (opening to the womb), uterus (womb), and fallopian tubes (egg canals) in women, and in the urethra (urine canal) in women and men. The bacterium can also grow in the mouth, throat, eyes, and anus. In 2005, 339,593 cases of gonorrhea were reported in the United States. The rate of reported gonorrhea in the United States was 115.6 cases per 100,000 population in 2005, the first increase in gonorrhea since 1999. The highest reported rates of infection are among sexually active teenagers, young adults, and African Americans. So, in the case of gonorrhea, as well as any other STD, abstinence remains the best medicine.
A: Syphilis, a genital ulcerative disease, causes significant complications if untreated and facilitates the transmission of HIV. Those who are infected often remain unaware of its presence until it has reached the later stages of development. That’s a problem, because Syphilis can cause severe brain, heart, and blood vessel damage if not diagnosed and treated in a timely manner.
In 2005, syphilis cases reported to CDC increased to 8,724 from 7,980 in 2004, an increase of 9.3%. The rate of syphilis in the United States in 2005 (3.0 cases per 100,000 population) was 11.1% higher than the rate in 2004 (2.7 cases per 100,000 population).
A: HPV is short for human papilloma virus. This sexually transmitted disease has infected more people than any other STD. HPV causes more than 99 percent of all cervical precancerous and cancerous growths. A recent study found that 60 percent of sexually active coeds at one university were infected with HPV. Sixty percent! Despite these astounding figures, few people recognize the threat of this STD or realize the condoms provide no protection against the spread of it. HPV rates are highest among 14-19 year olds and 20-29 year olds. The best way to treat STDs is to never get them in the first place.
A: This STD is 10 times more infectious than HIV. It is also one of the most common causes of liver cancer in the U.S. At least 100,000 people in the U.S. are infected with this virus every year. The problem with Hepatitis is that you can be infected and not know it for years. Many carriers unknowingly infect their sex partners, and there is no known cure for it. Since Hepatitis B is easily spread through sexual intercourse, the best protection is to practice abstinence until marriage.
Q: Am I crazy or is there too much sex on TV these days?
A: You are absolutely right! An exhaustive study recently found that more than two thirds of prime time shows contain sexual content. Prime time—as in before most kid’s bedtime. Less than one in 10 of those shows make any reference to the possible risks of that sexual activity. This is a serious problem. In a one-week sample analyzed, there were 71 scenes in which sexual intercourse was strongly implied and 17 scenes where it was depicted. That’s 88 sexual scenes in a week, 352 in a month, and more than 42,000 in a year. Our kids see people having sex, but they don’t see the real-life consequences, including guilt, pregnancy and life-threatening disease. It’s up to parents to examine the risks and explain why it’s better for them to save sex for marriage. Be creative, but be committed. They’ll stay tuned if you talk straight with them, and you might even see a jump in your ratings!
A: You are absolutely right! An exhaustive study recently found that more than two thirds of prime time shows contain sexual content. Prime time—as in before most kid’s bedtime. Less than one in 10 of those shows make any reference to the possible risks of that sexual activity. This is a serious problem. In a one-week sample analyzed, there were 71 scenes in which sexual intercourse was strongly implied and 17 scenes where it was depicted. That’s 88 sexual scenes in a week, 352 in a month, and more than 42,000 in a year. Our kids see people having sex, but they don’t see the real-life consequences, including guilt, pregnancy and life-threatening disease. It’s up to parents to examine the risks and explain why it’s better for them to save sex for marriage. Be creative, but be committed. They’ll stay tuned if you talk straight with them, and you might even see a jump in your ratings!
Q: As a parent I’m uncomfortable about having “the talk.” Any ideas?
A: “The Talk” is not so much a single event, but a process. It can’t and shouldn’t be limited to a single question and answer. It should begin with age appropriate information as soon as they can comprehend what you are saying. As time passes, you just add to the information. The entire “talk” should be completed by the time your child reaches puberty. That is when things can start getting awkward. But if you take the time to give them all the information they will need, you’ll be able to have ongoing, meaningful dialogue on this issue. The way you handle it will have an impact on your kids. Take a good look around you. Today’s world is different from the one you grew up in. Everywhere your kids turn someone is telling them about sex, and most of it is stuff you know isn’t reality. Abstinence is 100 percent effective. So talk to your children about saving sex for marriage. Studies show they will listen.
A: It doesn’t seem fair does it? She saved herself for marriage and still ended up with a painful diagnosis. They can do everything right and save themselves for their mate and still experience the painful impact of an STD. His premarital activities have inflicted harm on the person he chose to marry and spend the rest of his life with. It is a safe bet that he wishes he could take it all back. Unfortunately, life does not offer us a free “do over.” That’s why it’s time for our entire culture to embrace abstinence before marriage. It’s not too late to make a change for the better.
A: Peter Marshall once said, “Give to us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for—because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.” To protect our kids, we have to use a lot of negatives. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t ride with anyone that’s been drinking. Don’t fool with drugs. They’re all important messages, but we need to help our kids see that saying “no” to one thing means saying “yes” to something better. Saying no to premarital sex means saying yes to a brighter future. It’s saying yes to hope, health and happiness. It’s saying yes to self-respect, integrity and character. Have you talked with your kids about the value of saving sex for marriage? Don’t answer until you can say “yes” to that one.
Q: Where do most teens learn about sex?
A: According to a recent poll in Time Magazine, the poll found that only 3 percent of teens learn about sex from school. How about parents? Only about 7 percent learned from mom and dad. Television came in second with 29 percent, while friends topped the list at 45 percent. The poll claims that 93 percent of children are learning about sex from someone other than their parents—the people who care the most about them. The good news is you don’t have to let your kid be a statistic. Parents have the right and responsibility to teach their kids about sex and the benefits of abstinence until marriage. You can help them make smart, safe choices for a brighter future. Many educators and medical professionals falsely conclude that kids will be sexually active regardless of their efforts, and parents are guilty of saying too little too late to have a meaningful impact. But you know what? Studies show that kids do want to learn about sex from their parents. They want loving support to help them make healthy choices. So talk to your kids about the risk of STDs.Q: Are condoms safe?
A: C.S. Lewis once said, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” Lewis’ thoughts illustrate how something that looks good initially can have a very different appearance when it is put into practice. For years, many adult leaders thought that promoting proper condom usage would protect our kids. But things aren’t looking so good now. According to the CDC, to be effective, condoms must be used every time you have sex—no exceptions—and in compliance with a seven step procedure. Kids aren’t stupid, but they are kids. And studies show that half of adults who know their partner is HIV positive don’t use condoms consistently and correctly. More troubling, perhaps, is that condoms are virtually useless in preventing the two leading STDs, Herpes and HPV. The choices that are made today will affect the rest of our lives. A condom won’t protect your mind or your heart, but abstinence will. So talk with your kids about saving sex for marriage. Because forgiveness is hard—especially when you’re a teen trying to forgive yourself for a mistake you will remember the rest of your life.Q: I’m shocked by the questions my teen is asking about sex. Where do they hear some of this stuff?
A: Most parents are shocked by the questions kids ask about sex. The locker room isn’t the only place your kids are hearing about sex. They’re hearing about it in a place you take them yourself, and I’m not talking about some movie with mature content. I’m talking about the checkout stand at your local grocery store. A recent issue of Cosmopolitan, which was displayed where you pay for your food, featured articles like “Who will be your summer lover?’ and “How to tell if he’s good in bed from across the room.” That was on the cover- you didn’t even have to pick up the magazine to get the message. Is it any wonder kids are confused?Q: Is AIDS still a problem?
A: In 1981, there were only a few hundred cases in the U.S. Today, it’s a leading cause of death for 25-44 year old Americans. More than 500,000 Americans have died of AIDS. To put that is perspective, we lost about 400,000 Americans in World War II; the end of our war against AIDS is nowhere in sight. AIDS is fatal, there is no known cure, and it’s rapidly spreading among women and minorities. Q: As a parent, what role do I really have in educating my child?
A: Theodore Roosevelt once said, “To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.” His words are particularly significant when it comes to sexual behavior. Schools teach your child to read and write, and sometimes they also teach that condoms can make sex safe. But who’s talking to them about whether or not they should have sex? Who’s going to tell them that studies find condoms provide little to no protection against HPV? This STD alone infects more than 2.5 million people every year. You love them the most, so you should be the one who teaches them self-control, respect, and patience.© 2007-2008 Stark STRONG. Site designed and maintained by 